As I woke up this morning, that voice within me whispered to me and said — “ Your people-pleasing attitude is stunting your success”. Then it went on a rant while I worked through my morning routine.
I am at a stage where I am aware that the outside world does not see me as I see myself. There is little to no certainty that others see the inconsequential details about my personality and the flavours of my thought. True notion of what I am, how I am and how I feel comes from what I have been telling myself. There is a constant irreverent voice in my head that exists to help me evade loneliness and become more confident. Occasionally this voice is positive and, more often than not, is negative.
Shifting the perspectives towards the reader — to some extent, our external confidence really relies on what our internal voice has been telling us. I, on a personal level, would always look in the mirror and feel surprised to see that I am a two-part personality. Disregarding how everyone looks at me, I, for one, consider myself as a confident and action-oriented person. But at that very moment, there is this blur realisation that I have another part of me that is insecure — that is not the “go-getter” I seek to become. And that part of me makes my identity part of how I look and the clothes I wear. It makes me look at myself the way others would do. And this to my confident self is detrimental. But to enact a play of confidence and to wear a modest sense of boldness would not be the same as being confident from within. It makes me wonder how some beings, who are just like me, are so much more confident and carefree about what skin they are in and spill their aura of assertiveness wherever they go. There is an elusive beauty to that and on an energy level, it is contagious.
One cannot be sure if such humans have two personalities within them or whether their inner voice has found a way to discard the insecure side of things. But for all of us who are still on the path to becoming innately confident, maybe having two irreconcilable kinds of us within our heads is what it means to deal with human psychology. We have evolved through so many placebos and misconceptions and, through intentional desperation, have ossified unshakable ideologies about how society sees us. Today the two-part personality we carry with us feels like our adaptation to the cruelty of narcissism and stereotyping we receive from all around us.
However, we are what we talk ourselves into — a human mind full of doubts, insecurities, emotions and empathy, positivity and negativity. It remains within us, the choice to seek the personality we feel we have to wear every day to face this world full of challenges and anonymity.
